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’ ‘On one condition,’ he smiled that wry smile that I had come to love. ‘That you let me help you. I’m sure a pot roast is well out of my league, but maybe I can learn a thing or two from watching you.’ I agreed to the conditions and we decided that Saturday night was a good time for a pot roast. Ralph would come early to help me cook. On Friday I went shopping after work. Ralph had once said that a green sweater I wore suited me very well as it really brought out the colour of my eyes and I. He was the man who had the power to allow me to do a PhD on the firm’s time and money. That kind of let the cat out of the bag as far as probation went; he wouldn’t have been there if the firm was going to let me go.I’d been puzzling over exactly what I was going to research for my PhD for almost a year now, and was still no closer to selecting a topic. I had spent the Wednesday and half of Thursday going through the circular copies of the journals and magazines that had appeared in my in-tray. "Hey, Jim, you know what we do in this room, it's time to swap partners for a while," JR said as he worked himself between Jim and Cindy. "Jackie needs some attention."Jim was grinning from ear to ear as he crawled on top of me. He tried to get his dick into me, but I slowed him down. It wasn't that I wasn't willing to let him fuck me; I wanted to watch JR and Cindy for a few minutes. Jim seemed to be happy when I guided his head to my breasts, encouraging him to kiss them.JR cuddled with. He told me about his own struggle to find himself and how hard it was to come out. He gave me a lot of good advice that day.Weeks went by where nothing changed for me. I just couldn’t get the thoughts out of my mind. “What would it feel like? Would I like it? Does it hurt? What if I am gay?” All those questions ran through my head daily. I was tired of wondering and I wanted to find out.One night while Josh and I were both in the room working on school work, I broke the ice and stated chatting.
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